Dark Thoughts

Dark thoughts brooded Aran's mind this night. He nearly debated going to his room and playing his violin to put his mind at ease, such were the gravity of these thoughts, and how they weighed down on his mind. He did end up rejecting this idea, in favor of another one with more action. Ah, action, not something the jedi order normally took unless its hand was almost forced. Aran believed this foolish indeed, if one where to make a decision, more importantly one involving a great action or choice that must be made which effects others greatly that it should come from a time and place of your choosing.

Not the others, not the enemies. That they should be the ones who are really making the choice. If they waited to make a drastic action until their was no other option than could it really even be called a choice? It was simply something forced upon them...but by what? Themselves Aran thought, themselves and their order. So what did that mean? Was their so long thought of as the single most respected haven for discipline and master over ones self really controlled so easily by the world around it? Without even a chance at making it's own choice? Aran hoped not. But stopping his tracks as he strolled among this great knowledge he closed his eyes and lowered his head.

"Hm, hm" he laughed before mumbling."It seems I've grown old...and long in the tooth. How long now before it takes me a week to decide what I should be having for lunch?"

Aran shook his head of these thoughts. Not needing to add in any more bitterness to his thinking. It was already dark enough, though most the elders would laugh at him he imagined. They called him a war monger, but if anything he was simply over preparing, paranoid maybe. But not a war monger. Ah well, he could hardly blame him. Throughout his youth he had never been one to shy away from the chance to battle. Though even worse for his reputation and standing among his fellow jedi's, this habit had remained long in to his thirties forties, and even now, when the hot blood of youth ought to have died in him by now. These thoughts of being old having been only very recent occurrences.

He did not even feel that old in body, the force having treated him wonderfully as he aged. But it was his mind that was the problem, or maybe not the problem but different. The way he thought, the way he made decisions. He feared that it was changing. But perhaps this was just a mood, one he would get over soon enough. He looked up again and coming over to one of the other Jedi of lesser rank he asked him if he would find one Rendal Arstor. The man was off and on his way to contact him and bring him here. Master Aran had deemed this young man wise, and he also happened to be the first person he thought about telling. Well, after Misha, but he didn't want to disturb her, and her training of the younglings. No need to get her worried either.

So there looking older than he has ever indeed stood master Aran, gazing at the vast hall of their orders knowledge. Wondering how many answers to his new questions he might find in this place, his first being why now was he randomly plagued by these brooding thoughts, but fearing how many more questions might arise if he did?